Thursday, September 4, 2014

This Is Not a Top Ten List That Would Ever Matter

Really, there's just one album you should own on vinyl, and that's Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon. You can safely own things in other formats. If you have a $7,000 turntable and the appropriate equipment, knock yourself out.

What is this bullshit?

1. Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited"For a 23 year old to create such a masterwork is almost inhuman."


Nope. Not gonna own any Dylan albums. I'm not dead yet.

2. Neil Young - After The Goldrush"Bleakness never sounded so poetic and ultimately uplifting as it does on the title track of this


It's okay. He has five albums that are all better--and you can pick them for me.

3. Curtis Mayfield - Curtis"One of the most beautiful voices in music history. "


Great. Never heard it, don't plan to. This is a hipster choice, designed to exclude others.

4. The Velvet Underground- The Velvet Underground & Nico"This record, at the intersection of art and music, defines NYC in the mid 60s and set a precedent still chased by every rock and roll band since."


Nobody really owns this or listens to it, except for hipsters (see above). This is a Rolling Stone magazine pick designed to, you guessed it, make kids in the Midwest feel bad because they listen to Van Halen.

5. John Coltrane - A Love Supreme"An evocation of spiritual awakening, this pivotal record in the master saxophonist's career is more than just a jazz album. "


If you're on heroin, and you're 75, this is an album you listen to once a year, if that.

6. The Congos - Heart Of The Congos"If you only ever own one Reggae album, make it this Lee Perry-produced powerhouse featuring some of the smoothest voices in any genre."


Nobody really owns this or listens to it, except for hipsters (see above).

7. Kate Bush - Hounds Of Love"Broken up into two side-long suites, this album is best experienced on vinyl. Raw passion from a woman with one of the most unique voices in the history of recorded music."


If Kate Bush wasn't playing live this year, no one would mention her name. Great stuff, but she was forgotten decades ago, and consigned to the same place people keep their un-ironic Marillion albums.

8. Wire - Pink Flag"This 1977 effort is a mind-opener for its reductionist approach to rock songwriting."


This is a great reissue--but not something you have to own on vinyl. Wire are best experienced on CD, and their mid-career albums like The Ideal Copy were more fully realized. This was done to cash in on being punks, and Wire were a lot of things, but they abandoned punk as fast as everyone else did when it became fashionable to do so. The Damned, the Buzzcocks, and The Stranglers were all better and had better records. But they were all buried by Elvis Costello and the Police, so, you know. That happened.

9. Ramones- Ramones"One of the best debuts in rock history. So simple, so catchy."


Again, no one owns this or listens to it, but Blondie were certainly better and Talking Heads sold more records.

10. My Bloody Valentine – Loveless"Completely game changing LP, with its smeared textures and gorgeous haziness. People have been trying to figure out how the warped, yet beautiful sounds were achieved, ever since."


Released entirely as a joke on the music industry. This was not an album, nor was it ever really available on vinyl, as it came out in 1991. Paid for by the proceeds from Screamadelica by Primal Scream (which came out just in time to save Creation Records) and Ride's first two albums, all of which are much better than this.

 As the kids say, hells no baby. Hells no.

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