Friday, March 7, 2014

U2 Are Out of Ideas and Have Nothing to Say

The members of U2 have a problem.


You see, you didn't buy enough copies of the last U2 album, which came out in another decade and wasn't very good. You went to see their shows, of course, and helped them gross hundreds of millions of dollars, but that wasn't enough.

You didn't embrace their sound and you didn't wait patiently enough for that thing to drop. Now they're going to make you wait until 2015.

What the hell, Bono and company? What the hell?

Suddenly it takes 6 years to make an album? When did that start?

To me, three years is reasonable if:

  • the band members all hate each other

  • no one gets along with friends or family of other band members

  • there are no songs and the songs have to be acquired somehow

  • there are no ideas

  • no one is healthy enough to record or play live

If you can't solve those problem is three years, give up the ghost and stop pretending you are still in a band. You're in a corporate organization at that point, and you have nothing to say. Quit while you still have a shred of integrity.

I'm not waiting. I'm going to find a way to bootleg their new album and enjoy it without the band's consent. Or I may just continue to go about my life as if we are in a U2 interregnum and only occasionally remember they are still a band.

You, the problem, are merely living in another U2 interregnum. Slave! Enjoy their latest half-hearted, half-assed single. And make sure all your friends do, too, or there will be no more U2.


Whatever, man. I'm just trolling.

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